First of all let me apologise this issue of Beeston Beats has absolutely nothing to do with music whatsoever, not even slightly! For those expecting witty banter, music related reviews, interviews and general melodic madness you have the wrong column this time, rather than hunting down artistes or waffling on about music related reviews i have a rather different subject matter, the Beeston Bench sign maker.

I shall explain, nothing beats a good seat and those who frequent the Marina for a home cooked breakfast at the Cafe or a cheeky pint by the water at the Riverside Pub may have spotted a few signs attached to the benches just past the Chandlery along the river to Beeston Lock.

The hilarious signs have appeared adorning the three benches and are named the ‘I’m knackered bench’ , ‘the moaning old buggers bench’ and ‘the happy bench’, but why have they appeared? who is behind them? well i managed to catch up with the phantom sign maker, the notorious’ bench wench’,’ Sir Seat’ or ‘Pepe le Pew ‘(I am yet to stumble across the ideal nickname) to get to the er.. bottom of the situation.

So… enlighten us, why the signs?

‘Well with the appearance of a ‘Happy Bench’ in Beeston Rylands , which may I add is such a fantastic idea , and not meaning to belittle its message on any way, there seems to be a consumer gap. Just maybe some of the Rylands are ‘happy’ not being ‘happy’.  Maybe they want more than ‘happy’? Maybe damned well ecstatic is required?

Maybe they are proud to be miserable ? Maybe they have earned the right to have a bloody good moan, put the world to rights and just sit for a while ? Maybe , just maybe we need “a bench for all man and women kind ” . Not one size fits all ( oooh eerr missus ! (as the actress said to the bishop). A bench for all occasions and all sorts ! A bench we can all say is “our bench”. A beeston Bench for all Beeston kind.

Any plans for the future?

‘You never know, more such benches may appear for everyone to park their rear !?’

Well I hope that’s cleared that up, be on the guard for cheeky signs that may or not be the work of the phantom posterior poster, (nailed it), next issue back to music or other Beeston related craziness.